Three Things To Learn From The Lobster
I shared this video in my newsletter in December, and I just can’t forget it. Dr. Abraham Twerski talks about how lobsters grow and what this means for us.
Lobsters grow, but their shell doesn’t. At some point they grow too large for their shell and it becomes uncomfortable - it’s too confining.
So they find a little hole, crawl in, shed their shell, and grow a new one. Eventually this new shell gets too small, and the cycle is repeated, again and again.
The thing is, the lobster only knows it’s time to grow because they’re uncomfortable.
As Twerski says: If Lobsters had Doctors, they would never grow. Because as soon as the lobster says I’m uncomfortable, it goes to the doctor, gets a valium, gets a percocet, feels fine, and never gets out of its shell.
What are you doing with the discomfort in your life?
Discomfort Is A Sign Of Growth
Twerski’s main message is that times of stress are opportunities to grow. By running away from the stress/discomfort/anxiety/etc., you simply avoid your opportunity to grow.
What does this look like in our lives? Eating to fill your emotional needs, shopping to feel better about yourself, or (and this may be unpopular) meditating to reduce stress. These are all bandaids that are put on top of our wounds without ever solving the underlying cause.
And I’m not saying that medications and bandaids don’t have their place. Putting a bandage on a wound doesn’t heal the wound, but expecting an open wound to heal while you go about your life might not be realistic either.
Going through the pain is about leaning into it. Sitting with it, examining it, and taking it apart. Figure out why the pain is in your life and what you’re meant to learn from it. Don’t run from your pain. Which is not to say that you should seek pain - unnecessary suffering is unnecessary.
It Takes TIME To Grow A New Shell
One of my clients pointed out that the lobsters pauses its life while it grows its new shell.
They don’t keep going about their daily life, wandering naked on the ocean floor. They realize they’re in the middle of something big and they peace the eff out while they work on their growth.
For most of us A-types, this can be pretty tough. We’re so used to succeeding and powering through, that the suggestion that we might need to rest and do less is really difficult for us to accept.
Of course, a naked lobster may get lucky running across the ocean floor, but if they keep risking it eventually they’re going to get eaten.
What are you risking by refusing to pause and attend to your growth?
Growth Isn’t Linear
We all want life to be in an ever upward trajectory, getting constantly better. Unfortunately (or fortunately), it doesn’t work like that.
When you zoom out, you see the lobster’s life is divided into stages, each represented by a shell. We humans do the same - this was my ‘school’ phase, my ‘dating’ phase, my ‘proving myself at work’ phase.
Who’s to say that your real phases aren’t defined by what you did but rather who you are? Do you stand up for yourself? Do you take risks? Do you take responsibility for your own happiness?
Maybe that’s the transformational change you are being called to undertake.
What Does This Mean For You?
Where you at?
I talked last week about loss aversion and about how we hate pain more than we love gain. Are you feeling discomfort? Is it trying to call you forward into the next phase in your life?
Or have you recently done your growing, you’re in a new shell full of potential, and it’s time for you to run out there and seize the crap out of life?
Whatever it is, please pause and pay attention to your life. And drop me a line to let me know what’s going on - I love to talk about this stuff.
I’m going to leave you with this quote from Oscar Wilde:
No man is rich enough to buy back his past.