I Am Burnt Out. This Is Helping.

Here in Toronto, it's felt like a very long winter, both literally and figuratively. It's finally starting to warm up outside and the snow is starting to melt.

Personally, I am burnt out and finding that my once-prized resilience has (temporarily) fled me.

It's hard being burnt out. It's hard when one is a father, a lawyer, a coach, a blogger, and a man with his own interests. It's especially hard when I want to do all of it well.

Leading Me Home

We all have things we turn to in times like this and, for the last few weeks, I've turned to this quote:

Your conflicts and all your difficult things, your problematic situations in life are not chance or haphazard, they are actually yours. They are actually designed for you, by a part of you that loves you more deeply than anything else. That part of you that loves you more than anything, created roadblocks to lead you home to yourself. – A.H. Almas

It resonates deeply with me. As I look back and see the path that I've trod - I see that the hard times were largely of my own doing.

When I made choices for the wrong reasons (e.g. prestige and not fulfillment), they proved to be very hard choices for me to live. I felt that I was living someone else's life.

The Responsibility For My Own Happiness

So my roadblock is the figurative winter that I feel. Being burnt out. Sad. Feeling at the end of my rope.

So how does this roadblock lead me to my true self?

I believe it’s in understanding that I'm responsible. I’m responsible for my own happiness and my own life. I already understand it intellectually, but I need to understand it emotionally and experientially.

It's also a terrible responsibility. If shit doesn’t turn out in my life the way I want it to, that’s my cross to bear. It’s scary. And yet I think it’s right. The responsibility IS mine to bear. It's not on anyone else.

It means: if I'm happy - I did it. And if I'm not happy - I did that too.

The Impetus to Change

I often say that there's only three things that cause people to change: 1) intense desire; 2) intense pain; or 3) both.

It's as if my roadblocks have caused the pain needed for me to take action, because my desire wasn't enough. It’s hard work taking responsibility. Certainly harder than coasting.

It’s as if I have a choice: I can take the easy road and coast, or the hard road and take responsibility - either way, some part of me is going to make sure I end up at my true self. And knowing that, the situation reframes itself: I can take the quick road and take responsibility, or the long (and painful) road and continue to push it to others.

Interestingly, in the writing of this article I learned that there’s more to the quote above, and it reflects my thoughts on pain being an impetus:

You are not going in the right direction unless there is something pricking you in the side, telling you, “Look here! This way!” That part of you loves you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, it will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose.

Changing From Desire Rather Than Pain

This is a journey that started before my son was born.

Interestingly, I've been able to rely more on my desire to change since his birth.

I know that kids learn more by example rather than by being told. So I am doing my best to model for him how I want him to act. Essentially, who I want him to grow up into.

I'm not perfect, but I try, again and again. That's all we can ask of ourself or others.

What does this mean for you?

Where are your roadblocks?

What are they meant to teach you?

Are you learning how to dig deep and power through? Are you learning to trust and rely on others? Or are you learning to accept the things you can't change?

And finally, if you’re going to keep running into these roadblocks until you learn the lessons you need to learn, do you want to take the easy way or the hard way?

Agree? Disagree? Let me know what’s come up for you as you read this article.