One Benefit Of Hitting Rock Bottom
I felt really nervous and vulnerable publishing last week’s post. And yet, judging by the responses I got, the post struck a chord with many.
I’m not alone in burning out. Others have burnt out already and are climbing out. Others are staring down the tracks, wondering if it’s too late to jump out of the way.
I’m also noticing how many of us burn out chasing the image of who we think we should be, or who others think we should be. I won’t get into that here (except to say that I think it burns you out a lot faster that way).
Most interesting to me was my reaction to people who expressed their condolences to me: Yeah, it’s shitty. Terrible, in fact. And I hope to never be here again. And yet…
And yet, in hindsight I wouldn’t have avoided this if I could.
Loss Aversion
Anyone who’s tried to teach themselves how to invest has probably come across the concept of loss aversion. It refers to people's tendency to prefer avoiding losses to acquiring equivalent gains. That means that it’s better to not lose $5 than it is to find $5.
As a (recovering) perfectionist, I understand this all too well. Finding $5 is lucky. Losing $5 is a referendum on my competency.
This theory holds that we hate pain more than we love gain. Unsurprisingly, this applies to more than just investing.
Rock Bottom
To me, rock bottom means the bottom of the hole that you’re currently in. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the deepest you’ll go in your life, it just means that it’s as bad as it’s going to get right now.
So what’s rock bottom? Rock bottom is a whole lot of pain.
And if you’re looking to change your life, most of us have loss aversion - we will try harder to avoid pain than we will to achieve an equivalent amount of gain. Put another way, not much motivates better than pain.
And so one benefit of rock bottom is that it can be a hell of a lot of motivation.
I’ve seen people put their foot down and say enough is enough, and not let someone walk all over them. I’ve seen them put aside their fear and take the step they’ve always wanted to, but rationalized away as not feasible.
I firmly believe that if you take the time to get in touch with the truth in your suffering, there is something there for you to learn.
My Learning
I talked last time about the purpose of my suffering. I believe it’s on me to learn that I’m responsible for my own life.
So what does that responsibility actually mean?
Being responsible for my perspective
Being responsible for my situation
Being responsible for my direction
Those are big statements, and it’s a big deal to step into those. It’s time for me to grow. To grow up. To grow a pair.
To step into the life I want to have and the person I want to be.
MY Rock Bottom
Me? I’m still here in the hole. It isn’t so bad though, now that I know why I’m in the hole.
And with that realization, and the accompanying sense of purpose, it’s not as bad. And so I’m not in rock bottom anymore, and don’t feel quite as bad as I did when I penned the last post.
And as the pain dissipates, I can feel the certainty and the clarity that I bled for starting to slip through my hands. I’ll keep you posted on how I stay committed.
What does this mean for you?
One thing that’s been reinforced for me in the wake of the responses to last week’s post, is that we all have something we’re going through.
What are you going through? What are you meant to learn from it?
And if A.H. Almas is right, and this part of you will make you suffer until you learn what it’s trying to tell you, will you listen now, or will you wait?
Finally, I’ve had two people recently complete out of coaching, and only one new one start. Which means I have one spot available. If you’re interested in growing, drop me a line (or on Facebook or Instagram).