What Got You Here Won't Get You There
Bottom Line
Although this book (on amazon.com; amazon.ca) is geared for successful people who want to be more successful, the title might as well have been How to Stop Unintentionally Undermining Yourself and Play Nice or How To Not Be A Jerk. That's really the crux of the book.
Tongue-in-cheek intro notwithstanding, I actually really liked the book. In fact, I've tried to implement several things I've read from the book into my daily life.
Who should read this book?
If you manage or work with others and you’re not well attuned to how other people perceive your actions, you should probably read it. Yes, that's a lot of people - but I think highly of this book.
Who should not read this book?
If you don't care how people perceive you in the workplace (or, frankly, in your personal life) and you don't really care about how successful you are, then there are better things for you to do with your time.
Also, if the most important thing is for you to do you, no matter the consequences, don't bother reading it.
Things I'd like to Highlight
20 Habits That Hold Us Back From The Top
Goldsmith sets out 20 common habits he say hold us back from the top. I assumed that few would apply to me - after all, I'm self-aware and I want to do right by people. But I am ashamed to admit how many of these I have been guilty of. Each one of his habits is worthy of its own post, so I won’t get into them here.
Goal Obsession
He also discusses the paradoxical trait of goal obsession. It drives our success and motivates us to finish the job (perfectly) in the face of any obstacle, but sometimes it's what is at play when we get so wrapped up in achieving our goal that we do it at the expense of a larger mission.
Some examples: in obsessing about losing weight, we might be doing more harm than good to our bodies; in pursuing the corner office, we might trample upon the colleagues whose support and loyalty we'll need once we get there.
Ask yourself: "Are you making money to support your family - and forgetting the family that you are trying to support?"
Soliciting Feedback
Goldsmith notes how helpful (and difficult) it is to get truly unbiased feedback. The best way is to hire a "feedback professional" like him. The second best way is to ask: "How can I do better?" or its equivalent (e.g. "How can I be a better partner at home?", "How can I be a better leader of this group?").
It's also also possible to get unsolicited feedback. Such as when you notice that someone pointedly ignores you in a meeting - it's possible that that person really dislikes you. That's feedback too and some of the most honest you'll get.
Implementing Changes
Unfortunately, you're still not done. Collecting feedback is only the first step, you still need to: (1) actually fix the problem(s), and (2) make sure people know that you've fixed it.
He sets out a grand strategy which involves apologizing for the problem, advertising your solution, implementing it, collecting feedback, and continuing to iterate through that process. It's comprehensive and would be very useful for anyone attempting this on their own.
4 Notable Quotes
On Home-self and Work-self:
Your flaws at work don't vanish when you walk through the front door at home. (his emphasis)
Think you're rude and judgmental only at work? Or that it's only at work where you interrupt people and talk down to them? Or that it's only at work where you kill others' ideas and insist you're right?
This comes down to who you want to be in life.
On How to Apologize:
If a sophisticated CEO can mess up a $50 million apology by saying too much, imagine what havoc the rest of us can cause by voicing one word more than "I'm sorry" in our own displays of contrition.
So punchy. Heaven knows I've messed this up before.
On Letting Go of the Past:
[Letting go of the past] is simple, but it is not easy. Most of us have never forgiven our mothers and fathers for not being the perfect parents. We cannot forgive our children for not being the ideal kids. We don't forgive our spouse for not being the perfect partner. Quite often, we can't forgive ourselves for not being the perfect us.
This is deeply insightful. Not only have I felt this way on occasion towards those people, I feel this way towards myself for being the type of person bothered by this in the first place.
On Responding:
Asking "Is it worth it?" forces you to consider what the other person will feel after hearing your response. It forces you to play at least two moves ahead. Not many people do that. You talk. They talk. And so on - back and forth like a beginner's chess game where no one thinks beyond the move in front of them. It's the lowest form of chess; it's also the lowest grade of listening. Asking, "Is it worth it?" engages you in thinking beyond the discussion to consider (a) how the other person regards you, (b) what that person will do afterwards, and (c) how that person will behave the next time you talk.
This also extends to comments you might make if you're annoyed. I'm still working on this one.
So, did anything discussed here resonate with you? Anything you want to do differently?