my life-changing discovery
A bit over two years ago, I made a life-changing discovery. Already years into my coaching journey, I’d spent time plumbing the depths of who I was - figuring out my strengths, what made me tick, and why I showed up in the world the way I did. I’d started a business. I had a family I loved.
Life was great. 😊
At the same time, I was having trouble.
I’d always wanted to be a father, and now that I had kids, it was turning out a little differently than I hoped. My kids were amazing, but I felt off. 😬 I hadn’t just changed overnight when I became a dad. I still wanted to go out with my friends. I still wanted to relax and play computer games. 🎮 There was a part of me that still wanted to be a single dude free from responsibility. And yet there was a different part of me that wanted to be a great dad. And another part that wanted to build my coaching business into something impressive. These parts were at odds - and they went to great lengths to try and be the one calling the shots. Meanwhile, a different part (a critic) was constantly undermining me - telling me that I wasn’t good enough and that I was an imposter (how could I be a life coach and not have this figured out?).
A war had started within me.
Unsurprisingly, it’s not that pleasant to host a battleground inside. I felt like I was broken. I wanted the war to stop. And for that, it felt like I needed to declare a winner.
For a time I leaned heavily into responsibility. On the one hand, I’m glad I did. It’s what allowed me to be where I am now. But at the same time, the more I pushed down this need to be me, the more it started to fester inside.
And then I discovered IFS.
The IFS (Internal Family Systems) paradigm recognizes that we all have multiple parts inside of us. And that even though our parts might disagree about certain things (like mine certainly did), they all want the best for us. This new viewpoint (plus the help of some professionals) allowed me to make sense of what was going on inside me, and achieve a measure of peace without persecuting any of my internal needs/viewpoints/parts.
I was integrating ALL of who I was.
Immediately I tried to get trained in IFS. But I couldn’t. For two years, I entered every lottery for new trainings but I was never picked. Until now.
I’ve FINALLY started my IFS Level 1 training (just a week ago in fact). IFS integrates near-perfectly with the coactive model that my practice is based on. I’m thrilled for the work I will do wielding both of these frameworks.
I’m leveling up as a coach and a healer. 😊
What moves have allowed you to level up in your life?
This was today’s email. Like it? Join here: