Grateful that I felt like shit 🤔
Yesterday afternoon, I had been reasonably productive and thought I would "reward" myself with some social media time. 🤔 I only had about an hour before I needed to go pick up the kids and I needed to do some chores and make dinner, but I thought I deserved a "treat."
I went on LinkedIn, responded to a message, spent a few minutes scrolling through my feed. Went on Facebook, responded to a few messages, spent a few more minutes scrolling through my feed. Before I knew it, I was feeling anxious. Frustrated. Annoyed. 😤😠
And it wasn't the content I was reading. The content was fine. Very vanilla. No, I was feeling shitty because I knew I was wasting my time. I looked at my watch. 30 minutes until I had to pick up the kids.
I had spent half of my free time in a doom scroll.
Not what I intended to happen. But it did.
Normally, I'd just be off balance and a bit pissed, and I would struggle to not take it out on my kids. But yesterday went differently. I checked in with the part of me that was making me feel shitty. Its message to me? "Stop ####ing wasting your time."
Immediately, a rush of gratitude filled me. Sure, I still felt anxious, frustrated, and annoyed, but I found myself feeling grateful that this part of me cared enough to fight for my focus and my free time. Sure, it made me feel shitty, but if I'm being honest I probably wouldn't have listened to its message if it hadn't.
Every day, every moment, we have an opportunity to be in relationship with ourselves. You can judge yourself, be anxious and frustrated, or you can be grateful and compassionate.
We're all doing our best. You included.
Much love,
Paul
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