The Part of Yourself You've Exiled

I was bullied as a kid. Terribly.

It was a formative moment for me. And I got over it. 😎

Or, at least, I thought I did. 

😳

But it turns out I had only exiled the part of myself that experienced weakness.

This revelation hit me when I listened to an episode of the Tim Ferris Show - the guest was Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS).

The premise is that we are made up of different parts that all want different things - but ultimately, these parts all want the best for us, and from us, even when they are perceived as negative.

When I was going through coach training, they asked us, “what is a part of yourself that you can’t be with?”

It took me a long time to answer this. I was good with myself, my trajectory, I was generally cool with every part of myself.

Then I thought about weakness. And being insecure.

I had done my absolute best to avoid ever having to feel that. I chased a prestigious job. 💰 I went to the gym. 💪 I watched what I ate. 🥦 So I wouldn’t be weak. So I would never worry about my spot in society’s hierarchy.

These are all good things that I did for myself, but they buried the true culprit: my relationship with weakness.

Look, this is my first foray into IFS and it’s just starting, so there’s still a ton for me to learn - both about IFS, and about how it applies to my life. I can guarantee - this won’t be the last time you’ll hear me talk about it.

As of right now, Schwartz has provided me with a framework of how to deal with all of the parts of myself. How to categorize and address each one. How to get them to work together.

What is something you’ve tried to build your life around so that you could avoid feeling it? If you listen to this podcast episode - what’s your thorn?

Join us this week as we discuss this and more.

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