Even Your Bad Behaviour Serves You

I have a friend who’s a lawyer and he loves buying himself nice things. Fancy meals, nice clothes, the whole nine yards.

Growing up, his family didn’t have a lot of money.

For him, treating himself was a sign that he’d made it.

People seem to differ a little bit on how and how much it happens, but (I think) it’s generally accepted that what happens to you early in life shapes your views later. And there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with treating yourself, especially in his circumstances.

So this would be fine if the story ended here.

But it didn’t end there - he wasn’t happy being a lawyer and wanted to transition into a new career, but because he was spending as much as he was earning, he had no savings, no buffer.

He had no way to transition and he was very down on himself.

But Internal Family Systems, which we talked about last week and I’ve been really getting into, is non-pathologizing.

It states that no matter who you are, no matter what your behaviors are - there is nothing wrong with you.

Read that again.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Even addiction, depression and anxiety - these parts of us - even when they lead to an outcome you don’t want - are in fact still looking out for us. They may be mistaken on what that takes, but they still want the best for us.

From that perspective, you need to ask the question - how does the behavior serve you?

For my friend, the behaviour serves him by making him feel like he made it. He looks around, sees luxury and thinks that those humble beginnings are far behind him.

And being aware of your behaviors and motivations is the first step.

How aware are you of the things you’re doing in your life? How do the things you do serve you?

Join us this week as we discuss this and more.

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