The Most Important Lesson(s) of 2018
Right before 2018 ended, I asked myself what I learned that year. “Lots.” Okay, well, what’s the most important thing?
Although I was happy with my answer, it wasn’t enough. I work with such amazing people - I want people to hear from them. So I asked my coachees if they had a “most important lesson” of 2018.
These are people just like you. And these were their most important lessons of 2018:
Screw the Destination
If you’re not happy in the getting there, you’re not going to be happy once you get there.
This is a sneaky one. It seems so innocuous (“of course it’s true!”), but I find it’s at work all the time and we don’t realize. When was the last time you told yourself “I’ll be happy when…”?
I’ll be happy when:
I buy that slick TV/car/suit/cottage
I get that promotion
I get married (or just find a girlfriend/boyfriend)
Any of that seem familiar? I don’t care what it is. It will not complete your life. I’ve hit a few things I’ve aimed for - and mostly I just start to focus on the next thing.
YOU gotta be enough right now as you are. It may not be easy, and it may not be simple, but it will be one of the most important you things you ever do.
Spend Attention on Yourself
The best thing I can do is spend attention on myself - instead of what others want me to focus on. I dedicate my first 10 minutes every single morning to myself. I set my intentions for the day. I get more done and I’m doing it for myself, not out of guilt.
It’s amazing what a difference it makes to be intentional. How many of you reach over, grab your phone, and check your emails/facebook/instagram first thing?
I’d love to see what your days would look like if you started to replace that with setting your own goals for the day.
People don’t give a shit
It’s like looking in a mirror vs someone looking at you. We are in a sense always staring in to a mirror, we wake up every day and see more or less the same thing and we gloss over what makes us “us”.
We stress out over that small pimple on our nose but people don’t notice and if they did they wouldn’t care.
I focus on what I do wrong, or what needs to be fixed, and in turn see all these glaring weaknesses and flaws which I thought people saw in HD on a billboard but people barely notice or don’t even see them as flaws.
When you look in a mirror, who do you see staring back at you? Is it the same you that others see?
There’s real freedom in not giving a shit.
You can’t control others
For all we do and prepare, people, no matter how tiny, are all unique and will follow their own counsel. We can only give them the tools to help them make rational decisions.
Written like a true parent. I didn’t ask, but I bet this client learned this with their first kid - and then had to relearn it with their second. I suspect that this is something I’m going to have to relearn year over year.
I also love the wording. The idea of my little guy “following his own counsel” makes me laugh (“Dad, my counsel advised me to squish that banana in my hair and then throw it.”).
You Gotta Live Eyes Wide Open
It’s critical to learn to recognize and sit in your emotions. That, and self-care changes as we grow. It’s far different as a parent than it was when I was younger.
You can’t run from yourself. Those feelings you’re ignoring, they’re still there. I’ve seen decisions ruled (subconsciously) by a fear which people thought they had conquered. Once you know yourself, you can make decisions with eyes wide open.
And self-care? It doesn’t need to be a spa day. Sometimes it’s just cleaning up around the house.
Forward Progress isn’t always Forward
Not to let setbacks get me down. It might delay my progress, but the important part is to keep working towards the goal.
How many of us let a bump knock us off the wagon? I’m realizing that there are no home runs in life.
What matters is what you do consistently, even when (especially when) you’re not seeing results.
You’re never too old
I learned that I can still surprise myself with self-revelation. In the last few months I discovered a gift that I never knew I had. As a self aware 35 year old, that was so surprising. The takeaway for me is that I may have many gifts or capabilities that I haven't discovered or made use of yet. And I'm sure that is the case for most of us. It makes me feel like I'm filled with potential - for new exciting life paths, for successes, for finding more joy and pleasure in my life. It is an exciting prospect and feels very liberating.
This client is right - we’re all filled with potential. You’re full of potential.
You’re never too old. You’re never too set. You’re never too self-aware. I once heard someone say “the minute you stop growing, you’re dead.”
And yes, one of those is my most important lesson. Extra points if you can guess which one.
One of these resonate more strongly with you than the others? Hit me up and let me know!
PS. I just finished proofreading this post, and I am struck with gratitude that I get to work with these hard-working, gritty, real inspirations. THANK YOU.