Your Story Starts Now
I’ve had a few clients who beat themselves up. They’ve done something they regret. They should’ve done better. They should be better.
And I’ll be honest with you - I do it too. I’m too hard on myself when I don’t measure up to the standard I set for myself. You might be surprised by this - but I’m pretty surprised when I’m not perfect.
Here are some things I’ve recently seen people beat themselves up over:
Not being perfect.
Having sunk 10+ years into a career you don’t like.
Having pushed loved ones away.
Having over-prioritized work at the expense of life.
Being too hard on themselves (the irony of this isn’t lost on me).
Heaven knows I would’ve made a few different financial decisions had I known about financial independence earlier. I think about those decisions from time to time just to torture myself.
A lot of people let this self-judgment become a part of their identity. Now they’re just waiting to screw up. And if (when) they do? It’s proof that they never should have tried and what’s the point anyway.
Let’s just sit on the couch and eat pizza and rewatch game of thrones.
Stories
Stories are how we make sense of things. The ancients told myths to explain the world. Childrens’ tales taught children how to behave.
We all tell ourselves a story about our lives. Our story can drastically change the narrative that governs our day to day lives.
Think of two young law firm associates who work too hard. One tells herself that she’s being used and she’s stuck because of her student loans. The other tells herself that she’s using the firm - building up her skills and resumé so that she can leap to a better job. Which associate is likely happier?
Often our stories have their roots in our past. You haven’t met anyone so you never will. You haven’t kept weight off so you’ll always be overweight. You’ve always worked a lot so you’ll never be able to prioritize family.
What story are you telling yourself?
Your Story
Stories that take your past failures and forecast your future can be incredibly harmful. Why should you be limited by your past? Why should nothing change?
I hear you answer: “Because things haven’t changed. I’ve seen this story before and this is how it goes.”
To that, I say: “What if this is a different story?”
This quote from Eric Greitens in Resilience is on point:
In a story, the real beginning comes when things start to matter in a different way.
So you’re in the middle of things. Who’s to say the real story, the story that will have mattered all along, doesn’t start right now? Maybe your story starts today.
Things change. Your yesterday does NOT determine your tomorrow.
So what if your story starts today? What do you want for your tomorrow?