When your friend just CANNOT do something
There is something that many people with depression have in common. Something that, if you understand, will help them feel understood. It may help them get out of this episode of their depression faster, it may not.
Either way, they’ll feel understood - which is seriously a foundational piece of being with another person (depressed or not).
People will depression often have an impossible task.
What’s this impossible task?
Pretty obviously, it’s a task that’s just impossible to do.
Perhaps less intuitively, it is often an incredibly easy task.
For some, it’s going grocery shopping. For others, it may be getting out of bed.
For me? It was making a restaurant reservation. If my life depended on it, I’m not sure if I could’ve done it. If my relationship depended on it (it did), I still couldn’t do it.
This may seem weird for those who’ve never experienced an impossible task. What’s so hard about walking down the street and buying a few groceries? What’s so hard about throwing your feet on the floor and stepping out of bed? Why can’t you just pick up the phone and call?
I hear you - it seems weird. At the same time, I’ve lived it. It exists. This task, for whatever reason, is just impossible to do.
What does this mean for you?
If you’ve got someone close to you facing an impossible task, I’d suggest two things:
Understanding. Don’t judge. Let them know you understand them.
Help. If the task is important, help them do it. I’m generally against doing tasks for others (the whole give a fish / teach how to fish thing), but sometimes you need to plug the leaks in your boat while you row to shore. And if the task isn’t important? Help them let it go.
If you’re facing an impossible task, know that you’re not alone.