the actual way we get unstuck 🤔🤓
I feel a little sheepish 🐑 saying this, but part of me regrets last week's post. The one where I said that I want it to hurt for you so that you're not stuck in no-man's land. That's not really part of my message and so it wasn't sitting easy with me.
And yet, there was a kernel of truth in it. 🍿 A kernel that made me uncomfortable.
So I sat with it.
And I realized that what I shared last week was incomplete thinking (which I guess is bound to happen if you're continually posting and continually thinking - and I will never stop thinking). For me to say that hurting enough makes you change is only part of the story.
🤔 What's the rest of the story?
Well, we're stuck whenever whatever force is keeping us in place is stronger than whatever force is trying to move us. And since we all love math (you do, don't you? 🤓), we can put it into this neat formula:
STUCK is when IMPETUS < RESISTANCE
I realized that Impetus is broadly made up of two things: 1) our desire for something different, and 2) trying to avoid pain. I instinctively understood the second part (I've lived it so much 😬😂), which is why I said I hope the pain hurts enough so you want to change.
But we can dig deeper.
Because our Resistance can actually be broken down further to two things: fear and inertia. We don't change because we're afraid of it, and sometimes we're not afraid we're just ... inert (not really capable of moving).
So we get UNSTUCK when:
DESIRE + PAIN AVOIDANCE > FEAR + INERTIA
🎤💧
The only way for you to change is for Desire + Pain Avoidance to be greater than your Fear and Inertia. For most of us, Desire is not enough to get over Fear by itself. So that's why Pain Avoidance (and therefore Pain) can really help.
I just want you to live your desire. 🧡
But Pain hurts, and if we can avoid the need for pain (and pain avoidance) by leaning into Desire, all the better. And, of course, we could also lean into reducing fear and inertia. 🤔🤓 That could work too...
For a lot of people their Fear and their Inertia is a function of their standards and the people they hang around with.
Want to change?
One great way is to surround yourself with others who want to change and who want that for you. To surround yourself with the right people who normalize your desire, help reduce your fear, and eliminate your inertia.
Coincidentally enough, the Happy Lawyer Transformation Circle is starting soon... 😁😊
Honestly, I didn't know the rabbit hole 🐇 would lead here when I started down it. I was just trying to figure out what was bugging me about last week's post.
But I guess if it seems like all roads like to Rome, maybe that's because they do.
Dream big, live bigger, and shine on.
Paul
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