my (recent) life-changing experience 💙💙
Last week, for the first time in my memory, I experienced true, unconditional, self-love.
I was chatting with an entrepreneur friend of mine, helping her work through some internal obstacles. She was clearly very self-aware and in touch with herself, so halfway through the call I invited us to go inside and just sit with the truth inside of us. I decided to do the same. 🙌 After all, I've been on a journey to be more content, peaceful, grateful and aligned (or, in my words, happy) - why waste this opportunity?
Well, you've probably seen that I've been doing some future-self meditations lately, so naturally my future self popped into my head. I asked him: "what are my next steps?"
He raised his eyebrows at me (in that "really?" look) and smiled.
"You know."
🤔
Huh? This was supposed to be my future self, why was he giving me sass? I decided to ignore it and ask again. "What are my next steps?"
"You know what they are. You've known since last week. You told your buddies Kosta and Chris that you would do this meditation every day until you got clarity on your next step. You've claimed it, aloud, in front of others."
😳😳😢
I felt shame. He was right. I may not have known the (next) next steps, but I was pretty sure I knew how to find out.
And I hadn't.
Further, what did this mean for me? For f###'s sake, I'm a coach. If I can't do the work I know is in front of me, what right do I have to coach others? And (possibly even scarier) am I doomed for this forever?
As if he could hear my thoughts (of course he could, he was in my head), he responded, "Don't worry about it, you're here now."
"But..." I started.
"You're here now." He touched my cheek and smiled. There was not a single iota of judgment. Instead, it was full of such tenderness and gentleness. Such acceptance. Such love. I felt peace. And I knew that, even were I not there in that moment, and had instead come next week, or next month, or next year, he still would have held me in the same gentle way. I got tears in my eyes and nearly broke down in tears on the call with my friend.
This was it.
True, unconditional love.
🧡💙🧡💙
What does this mean about parents? Partners? Children? Have they not loved me unconditionally? Honestly, I don't know. I will say that I've never experienced anything like this. This was 100% pure, nothing other than love. No hope that I obey, no desire that I pitch in, no narrative that it meant something about them.
This was pure. Pure love.
And it was mind-blowing.
AND it was what I needed to recommit.
This is life-changing as long as I let it be. So that's my commitment to myself, to let this love in. Let it seep through me. Infuse my parenting, my relationship, my coaching. And infuse my life, so that I spread love to others and help them shine.
Dream big, live bigger, and love on.
Paul
This was today’s email. Like it? Join here: