How To Speak To Your Loved Ones

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You know, some times it isn’t easy. We’ve had people we’ve loved in our lives since we were kids - you’d think we’d be better at talking to them.

And yet… and yet, sometimes we just really suck at it.

We want them to feel better, and instead we make them feel worse and drive them away.

Most of the time, our intentions are good. We want to help. We want to do right by the person.

But often help is the last thing people need and trying to help is the last thing we should do.

I’ve been reading How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk (again), and it’s blowing my mind all over again. I read it three years ago before my son was born. I was only hoping to be a better parent, but immediately I became a better communicator at work, with my friends, and (most importantly) with my loved ones.

At the beginning of the book, they provide an overview of the most common responses we give to people having a tough time. I bet you’ve done all of these. I know I have (and I know I particularly have a problem with #2):

  1. Denial of Feelings

  2. The Philosophical Response

  3. Advice

  4. Questions

  5. Defense of the Other Person

  6. Pity

  7. Amateur Psychoanalysis

  8. Empathy

I found this so perspective-altering that I dedicated today’s episode to it.

Paul KarvanisComment