The Most Important Thing You're (Probably) Not Doing
... is consciously ensuring that you're viewing the world through a perspective of gratitude. Let me illustrate with a story from my life.
Recently I was on vacation with my wife and baby. We were in Biarritz, France. We were eating out, visiting parks, going to the beach, and visiting with friends who lived there. It was awesome.
And yet, despite the fact that it was objectively great, one morning my mood was sour. I was negative about everything. I took a walk with my notebook and book (Book Yourself Solid) and went to the cliffs overlooking the beach. I sat there in the sun with my books in my lap and watched legions of surfers trying to catch waves. A few of them caught waves, zipping this way and that. More of them wiped out. It was mesmerizing (and inspirational) to watch.
Eventually, I opened my books and a host of ideas hit me. I watched the waves some more, and then worked some more. I was feeling … charged. This pattern continued for some time until I was so amped up about life, I went home, changed into my running gear and went for a run.
I felt in control. The world was mine and I was charting my course.
I found myself still riding that high in the afternoon, contemplating what had happened. Nothing had changed. I was still the same man in the afternoon as I was in the morning. I was still on vacation with a wonderful family, with a sea of possibilities laid out before me.
Nothing had changed. And yet everything was different.
I thought it might have to do with feeling as if I was in control of my life versus a passenger without the ability to direct my ship. I was still feeling light the next morning when I was reading through a book by a coach named Megan Jo Wilson, when I discovered a quote that resonated with me. She said:
When gratitude is our starting point, everything changes.
The pieces clicked into place.
The day before, when I started to feel in control of my life, I started to feel grateful for the life I had and the possibilities spreading out before me. Before my mentality had switched, I was bemoaning that I was too busy to do all the things I wanted to do.
It struck me that Megan Jo Wilson was absolutely right. I was grateful now – and everything had changed.
Since that day, I’ve taken a few ad hoc gratefulness breaks. I sit down and think about the things that are awesome (that cold beer tastes so good, that my son's laugh is music to me, that I have the luxury of being able to discuss deep topics with people). They seem to make a difference.
The sneakiest life hack
I’m not the only one who thinks like this. Recently I was listening to Cory Muscara being interviewed on the choosefi.com podcast. He’s a meditation teacher that spent 6 months as a monk in Burma. At the end of the show, he was asked: “what’s your favourite life hack?” This guy answered: “gratitude.”
He went on to say (I’m paraphrasing) that by asking “what am I grateful for” and taking a moment to be grateful, we can go from misery to happiness and that shift in perspective is much more powerful than people give it credit for. The science backs it up and it’s so easy. He concluded by noting that taking a moment to be grateful can grow from one moment to a lot more.
I personally think labeling it a life hack is particularly apt. As hacks generally refer to a trick/shortcut to improve the quality of your life or achieve some sort of efficiency. I don’t know of any other trick/shortcut that can make as big a difference. It’s so easy to do because nothing changes, and yet everything changes. Instead of losing those 20 pounds in order to be happy, just take the shortcut and go directly to being happy. It’s a real way to cheat the system.
Gretchen Rubin in (The Happiness Project) talks about how, in an effort to lighten up, she tried to make things for fun. She says: "I reframed a particular chore by deciding that I enjoyed doing it. ... And ... it really did change my attitude." (her emphasis)
A quick scan of the googleverse shows a number of articles that agree with Muscara's claim – that the science shows that being grateful comes with a number of other benefits.
Ultimately, I’m less concerned at this point with the statistical claims, and I’m more concerned with its effect on me and on my clients. For those clients with whom I’ve instituted a gratefulness practice, there have been big changes in their outlook and the way they approach life.
I'm currently thinking that making gratitude my starting point is one of the most powerful things I can do in my life.
The tricky part is how.
I've tried what Rubin suggests (telling myself "I actually want to do this...") and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't I look at whether I've been practicing my foundational habits (exercise, eat healthy, sleep) but the reality of working and having a little kid is that it's often hard to do everything. I'm going to take part in the HAVE LESS, BE MORE challenge (further on that later this month), and I'm hoping that will help boost gratitude. If not, I'll probably try a formal gratitude practice. In the meantime, let me know if you have any other suggestions.