What You Work On, Works On You
We all change - how much of your change has been driven by your job?
I had to pause and put down Eric Greitens’ book Resilience when I read this:
When we “do work”, we too often think of it as a one-way affair. People think: I woke up and built a fence, or taught a class, or saw a patient; I made dinner for my family. We recognize that a fence now exists or that our family has been fed: we pay attention to the change around us, but not to the change within us.
I’ve spent some time as a lawyer, negotiating deals, drafting agreements, closing deals. What’s changed within me? Well, I’m a bit more jaded. I’ve also lost my sense of invincibility. Certainly there were other factors, but I think my work drove the majority of those changes.
And you? What has changed within you as you do what you do?
My friend who works security can no longer stand with his back to a room.
Another friend works with a lot of dumb people and has become cynical and jaded.
My former colleague started looking on the bad side of everything. Lawyers are trained to think of what might go wrong as we negotiate agreements. She noticed this “skill” leaking into her personal life.
These changes can last long after you punch out and go home.
And if you never punch out and work around the clock? You tell me how that’s working for you.
The positive side
If what you do shapes you, then you have the opportunity to shape yourself by choosing what you do.
Decide who you want to be, and do things that will grow you in that direction. If it’s your job? Great. But it doesn’t have to be.
Many people work a job and have a vocation in their family or community. Or maybe it’s your hobby that lights you up. Bottom line is that you’re being shaped. So you’re either doing it deliberately or you’re leaving it up to chance.
And as you shape yourself, you’re growing.
Growth is often given as one of the main ingredients of a purposeful and happy life. Gretchen Rubin in the Happiness Project talks about “an atmosphere of growth” being essential to happiness.
So when you’re growing because you shaped yourself deliberately, you’re contributing to your happiness and your life’s meaning.
How you shape yourself will determine the opportunities available to future-you. Greitens gives the example of Isaac Newton and the apple. Newton saw the falling apple and it started the process that would culminate in the laws of gravity. How many people have seen fruit fall from trees and thought nothing of it? (me, for example) After a lifetime of observation and experimentation, Newton had made himself into a person who was ready to seize the opportunity.
In My Life
I want to be a great father. I chose to take parental leave. I’ve played with my son, cooked for him, cared for him. It’s not easy (but what worthwhile is?). It shapes me and I feel the change.
I want to be a great husband. I try to wash all the dishes, shop, cook, and do things for Megan. Things that I know she values. This service for another changes me too.
I want to be a leader. This is perhaps the most obvious of my examples. I chose to become a coach and start this blog so I could make a difference. As I think about others and how I can add value to their lives, I am changed. As I ensure I “walk the walk” and live an authentic and meaningful life, I am clearly changed.
I’m also an example of what not to do. I want to be a creator, and yet I often chose to consume content when I should be creating my own. I want to be an artist, and yet I prioritize other things over the pursuit of my craft.
In Your Life
This all comes down to two things:
Have a vision of who you want to be; and
Be deliberate about what you choose to do.
As you grow in your chosen field, you may find happiness. You may create meaning.
Ultimately, you will be taking control.
So, who do you want to be? And what will you do to become that person?